方正全裸的女权主义,女权主义者的性欲观

女权主义者的性欲观(读书笔记:杰茜卡瓦伦蒂:《正面全裸的女权主义》)我一直以为,女权主义者都是些身穿男性西装剪着男人发型叼着香烟不刮腋毛的中性人,直到读了瓦伦蒂这本《正面全裸的女权主义》。现在才明白过来,原来女权主义者也是有七情六欲的!不仅如此,她们的欲望比普通女性更直白,更强势,更利己。瓦伦蒂用了整整一个章节来阐述女权主义的性欲观。标题是《女权主义者更擅长干那事(以及其它关于性的提示)FEMINISTS
DO IT BETTER (AND OTHER SEX
TIPS)》。她开宗明义就自我标榜“我在床上比你行,而这得归功于女权主义。”(I’m
better in bed than you are. And I have feminism to thank for
it.)现代男权社会对女人有一种自相矛盾的双重标准:一方面,女人在白天接受“守贞教育”,晚上则在电视上看到“女孩也疯狂”的广告。一方面,女孩被教导说婚前性行为是不对的,另一方面又告诉你,你若想成为一名春假辣妹,你赶紧对着镜头宽衣解带吧!(When
you’re getting abstinence-only education during the day and Girls Gone
Wild commercials at night, it’s not exactly easy to develop a healthy
sexuality. You’re taught that sex before marriage is bad bad bad, but
that if you want to be a springbreak hottie, you’d better start making
out for the
camera.)守贞教育家是这么来教育女孩子的:“你们的身体就是一根棒棒糖。当你们与男人发生性关系时,他剥去你的糖衣,含吮起来。当时可能感觉不错,可遗憾的是,他与你完事后,你们留给下一位伴侣的就是衣冠不整,口水臭味的残渣。”(“Your
body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps
your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but
unfortunately, when he’s done with you, all you have left for your next
partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker.
“)够耸人听闻的。不过女权主义者不吃这一套。瓦伦蒂提出的口号是:“我的处女膜我做主!(Our
Hymens, Ourselves
)”她说:“我从未闹明白处女贞操有什么大不了,真的。我的贞操在中学时代就被一名男朋友没怎么费劲就夺去了。我们后来还约会了好几年呢。我还以为会有什么异样的感觉呢,没有。我总觉得这种把处女贞操当成如花似玉一回事很愚蠢。所以你可以想象,当我发现自己原来是被用过即弃的垃圾时有多愕然。”(I
have never really understood what the big deal was about virginity.
Really. Mine was lost without a great deal of fanfare to a high school
boyfriend whom I dated for several years afterward. I expected to feel
different—I didn’t. The whole precious-flower-virginity thing always
seemed silly to me. So imagine my surprise when I found out that I was
just a used-up piece of trash without
it.)我比较纳闷的是,女权主义者总体上是鄙夷男人的。可是在处理自己的情欲时,她们对男人的态度显然又是另一番风景。诚然,她们与男人上床,再也不是为了讨好男人,更不是为了繁衍后代,而纯粹是为了自己的愉悦。用瓦伦蒂露骨的话,就是:一边做女权主义者,一边啪啪啪!(f***ing
while feminist
!)只是,面对一位性欲如此高涨态度如此强势的女权主义床伴,哪一位小男人消受得起?

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我一直以为,女权主义者都是些身穿男性西装剪着男人发型叼着香烟不刮腋毛的中性人,直到读了瓦伦蒂这本《正面全裸的女权主义》。

(部分翻译仅凭个人感觉,不完全按照原文翻译)

现在才明白过来,原来女权主义者也是有七情六欲的!不仅如此,她们的欲望比普通女性更直白,更强势,更利己。

As I look back on my experiences, it’s interesting to reflect on how my
perspectives have changed.

瓦伦蒂用了整整一个章节来阐述女权主义的性欲观。标题是《女权主义者更擅长干那事(以及其它关于性的提示)FEMINISTS
DO IT BETTER (AND OTHER SEX TIPS)》。

463.com永利皇宫平台,When I started out, each and every twist and turn I encountered,
whether in the markets or in my life in general, looked really big and
dramatic up close, like unique life-or-death experiences that were
coming at me fast.

她开宗明义就自我标榜“我在床上比你行,而这得归功于女权主义。”(I’m better
in bed than you are. And I have feminism to thank for it.)

(刚开始的时候,认为市场和生活中的遇到的挫折与问题,非常巨大,像独特的生死攸关的经历)

现代男权社会对女人有一种自相矛盾的双重标准:一方面,女人在白天接受“守贞教育”,晚上则在电视上看到“女孩也疯狂”的广告。一方面,女孩被教导说婚前性行为是不对的,另一方面又告诉你,你若想成为一名春假辣妹,你赶紧对着镜头宽衣解带吧!(When
you’re getting abstinence-only education during the day and Girls Gone
Wild commercials at night, it’s not exactly easy to develop a healthy
sexuality. You’re taught that sex before marriage is bad bad bad, but
that if you want to be a springbreak hottie, you’d better start making
out for the camera.)

With time and experience, I came to see each encounter as “another one
of those” that I could approach more calmly and analytically, like a
biologist might approach an encounter with a threatening creature in the
jungle: first identifying its species and then, drawing on his prior
knowledge about its expected behaviors, reacting appropriately.

守贞教育家是这么来教育女孩子的:“你们的身体就是一根棒棒糖。当你们与男人发生性关系时,他剥去你的糖衣,含吮起来。当时可能感觉不错,可遗憾的是,他与你完事后,你们留给下一位伴侣的就是衣冠不整,口水臭味的残渣。”(“Your
body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps
your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but
unfortunately, when he’s done with you, all you have left for your next
partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker. “)

(随着岁数和经历的增长,遇到新问题更加冷静处理)

够耸人听闻的。不过女权主义者不吃这一套。瓦伦蒂提出的口号是:“我的处女膜我做主!(Our
Hymens, Ourselves )

就像biologist, 首先识别问题,找出先验知识,然后采取合适的行动。**

”她说:“我从未闹明白处女贞操有什么大不了,真的。我的贞操在中学时代就被一名男朋友没怎么费劲就夺去了。我们后来还约会了好几年呢。我还以为会有什么异样的感觉呢,没有。我总觉得这种把处女贞操当成如花似玉一回事很愚蠢。所以你可以想象,当我发现自己原来是被用过即弃的垃圾(或棒棒糖)时有多愕然。”(I
have never really understood what the big deal was about virginity.
Really. Mine was lost without a great deal of fanfare to a high school
boyfriend whom I dated for several years afterward. I expected to feel
different—I didn’t. The whole precious-flower-virginity thing always
seemed silly to me. So imagine my surprise when I found out that I was
just a used-up piece of trash (or candy) without it.)

When I was faced with types of situations I had encountered before, I
drew on the principles I had learned for dealing with them. 

我比较纳闷的是,女权主义者总体上是鄙夷男人的。可是在处理自己的情欲时,她们对男人的态度显然又是另一番风景。诚然,她们与男人上床,再也不是为了讨好男人,更不是为了繁衍后代,而纯粹是为了自己的愉悦。用瓦伦蒂露骨的话,就是:一边做女权主义者,一边啪啪啪!(Fucking
while feminist !)

(之前遇到的问题,使用已经学到的原则)

只是,面对一位性欲如此高涨态度如此强势的女权主义床伴,哪一位小男人消受得起?

But when I ran into ones I hadn’t seen before, I would be painfully
surprised. Studying all those painful first-time encounters, I learned
that even if they hadn’t happened to me, most of them had happened to
other people in other times and places, which gave me a healthy respect
for history, a hunger to have a universal understanding of how reality
works, and the desire to build timeless and universal principles for
dealing with it.

(对于之前没遇见的新问题,不会感到痛苦。因为发现,即使那些问题,之前我没遇见过,其他人也会遇到过。所以作者特别尊重历史,渴望了解现实到底是怎么运行的,并渴望建立永恒和普遍的原则来处理它。)(简而言之:认识现实的真面目,并建立
普遍的原则去处理它, 普遍或许可以理解为 合适的 正确的 )

Watching the same things happen again and again, I began to see
reality as a gorgeous perpetual motion machine, in which causes become
effects that become causes of new effects, and so on.

(看着同样的事情一次又一次地发生,我开始把现实看成是一个华丽的永动机,其中的原因变成了影响成为新效果的因素,等等。大概是
a产生b,b又产生了c)

I realized that reality was, if not perfect, at least what we are given
to deal with, so that any problems or frustrations I had with it were
more productively directed to dealing with them effectively than
complaining about them. I came to understand that my encounters were
tests of my character and creativity. Over time, I came to appreciate
what a tiny and short-lived part of that remarkable system I am, and how
it’s both good for me and good for the system for me to know how to
interact with it well.

In gaining this perspective, I began to experience painful moments in a
radically different way. Instead of feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, I
saw pain as nature’s reminder that there is something important for me
to learn. Encountering pains and figuring out the lessons they were
trying to give me became sort of a game to me.

The more I played it, the better I got at it, the less painful those
situations became, and the more rewarding the process of reflecting,
developing principles, and then getting rewards for using those
principles became.I learned to love my struggles, which I suppose is a
healthy perspective to have, like learning to love exercising (which I
haven’t managed to do yet).

In my early years, I looked up to extraordinarily successful people,
thinking that they were successful because they were extraordinary.
After I got to know such people personally, I realized that all of
them—like me, like everyone—make mistakes, struggle with their
weaknesses, and don’t feel that they are particularly special or great.
They are no happier than the rest of us, and they struggle just as much
or more than average folks. Even after they surpass their wildest
dreams, they still experience more struggle than glory. This has
certainly been true for me.

While I surpassed my wildest dreams decades ago, I am still struggling
today.In time, I realized that the satisfaction of success doesn’t come
from achieving your goals, but from struggling well.To understand what I
mean, imagine your greatest goal, whatever it is—making a ton of money,
winning an Academy Award, running a great organization, being great at a
sport. Now imagine instantaneously achieving it.

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You’d be happy at first, but not for long. You would soon find yourself
needing something else to struggle for. Just look at people who attain
their dreams early— the child star, the lottery winner, the professional
athlete who peaks early. They typically don’t end up happy unless they
get excited about something else bigger and better to struggle
for. Since life brings both ups and downs, struggling well doesn’t just
make your ups better; it makes your downs less bad.

I’m still strugglingand I will until I die, because even if I try to
avoid the struggles, they will find me.

Thanks to all that struggling and learning, I have done everything I
wanted to do,
gone everywhere I wanted to go, met whomever I wanted to
meet, gotten everything I wanted to own, had a career that has been
enthralling, and, most rewardingly, had many wonderful relationships.I
have experienced the full range, from having nothing to having an
enormous amount, and from being a nobody to being a somebody, so I know
the differences.
While I experienced them going from the bottom up
rather than from the top down (which was preferable and probably
influenced my perspective), my assessment is that the incremental
benefits of having a lot and being on top are not nearly as great as
most people think.

Having the basics—a good bed to sleep in, good relationships, good
food, and good sex—is most important, and those things don’t get much
better when you have a lot ofmoney or much worse when you have less.

And the people one meets at the top aren’t necessarily more special
than those one meets at the bottom or in between.

The marginal benefits of having more fall off pretty quickly. In fact,
having a lot more is worse than having a moderate amount more because it
comes with heavy burdens. Being on top gives you a wider range of
options, but it also requires more of you. Being well-known is probably
worse than being anonymous, all things considered. And while the
beneficial impact one can have on others is great, when you put it in
perspective, it is still infinitesimally small. For all those reasons, I
cannot say that having an intense life filled with accomplishments is
better than having a relaxed life filled with savoring, though I can say
that being strong is better than being weak, and that struggling gives
one strength.

My nature being what it is, I would not have changed my life, but I
can’t tell you what is best for you. That is for you to choose. What I
have seen is that the happiest people discover their own nature and
match their life to it.

Now that my desire to succeed has given way to a desire to help others
succeed, that’s become my current struggle. It’s now clear to me that my
purpose, your purpose, and the purpose of everything else is to evolve
and to contribute to evolution in some small way.I didn’t think about
that at the start; I just went after the things I wanted. But along the
way I evolved, and now I am sharing these principles with you to help
you evolve too.I realized that passing on knowledge is like passing on
DNA—it is more important than the individual, because it lives way
beyond the individual’s life. This is my attempt to help you succeed by
passing along to you what I learned about how to struggle well—or, at
the very least, to help you get the most out of each unit of effort you
put in.

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